REMEMBER ME - season 5

[Kruemi]

Fortnightly Discussion of a Randomly Chosen Episode – 20.12.09





Remember Me – season 5

This is, once again, one of the episodes I don’t choose when I march along the rows of my DQ DVDs and consider which one to watch for pleasure.

I think, this episode is about how to cope with painful things in your life: does it work when you just push them into the darkest, farthest corner of your mind, lock them behind the door of your strong will to never open it again?
From future episodes we know that it doesn’t work at all for Horace; especially since his only child is involved.
We also know from Jake’s past behavior, that this is the wrong method for him, too: the memories crawl out by themselves, and he tries to drown them in alcohol. But they do something good to him as well: he, in the contrary to most other people in CS, has a sympathetic heart for the children that are beaten. The price he paid for this warm side of him was much too high though, and I understand that he can only face his father once he was gone.
Brian, on the other hand, has a different way to deal with his father who betrayed him all his life: he forgives him. I have to say though that it disturbed me when he wrote to Ethan. After all, he should still remember the time when he wanted to take them to San Francisco – he was old enough to realize that it was only thanks to this new wife that Colleen and he were allowed to stay with Michaela. I think that dealing with the pain that other people cause you should only involve forgiving yourself, in case you’ve made a mistake, and learn from this mistake. That someone is your father doesn’t mean he is allowed to abuse you (it doesn’t matter whether is physically or psychically), and your solution is to forgive him and everything is fine. It will never be.
I totally forgot the little gold rush we saw in this episode. Maybe they put it in to cheer us up a bit – because there were a lot of heartbreaking scenes: hearing about Jake’s childhood was one of them but seeing this old man trying to get his bearings was equally sad for me. Of course I don’t forget Brian in this: how difficult for him to be mistaken as young Jake so it was him who heard the apologies that were meant for the grown Jake. In the light of these serious things the competition of the town’s men looked a bit ridiculous to me.
However, I felt for Michaela, too: although she is used to people lashing out at her it doesn’t make it easier; and Jake lost a lot in my eyes when he reminded Brian, who is still just a child, that his father is just a jerk, too.
I admit that the end of the episode was a bit of overkill for me: Jake mourns his father’s death and forgives him, Brian happily posts his letter to his pa and Horace sees the reason in it and writes a letter himself. Oh well…


Anyway, it was a pleasure for me to see Ray Walston again who I dearly loved as the judge in Picket Fences .

[cooperkids]

Originally Posted by Kruemi

This is, once again, one of the episodes I don’t choose when I march along the rows of my DQ DVDs and consider which one to watch for pleasure.

Nice intro, Kruemi. You really have a talent for dissecting these episodes and sharing your insights.

Admittedly, I don’t go out of my way to watch this one, but while viewing it tonight on YouTube, I spent a lot of time crying.

Originally Posted by Kruemi

I think, this episode is about how to cope with painful things in your life: does it work when you just push them into the darkest, farthest corner of your mind, lock them behind the door of your strong will to never open it again?

From future episodes we know that it doesn’t work at all for Horace; especially since his only child is involved.

Knowing the ultimate future for Myra and Horace makes this part of the episode almost painful to watch. Horace’s panning for gold shows, though, that he never really knew Myra enough to know what would make her happy—something that Hank points out. It’s scary that losing Myra is what connects these two men who have nothing else in common. One of the comments on YouTube said Hank was being a jerk (well, they weren’t that kind, but I won’t post the exact word), but I think Hank has one of his good moments here and is actually trying to help Horace instead of rubbing it in his face.

Originally Posted by Kruemi

We also know from Jake’s past behavior, that this is the wrong method for him, too: the memories crawl out by themselves, and he tries to drown them in alcohol. But they do something good to him as well: he, in the contrary to most other people in CS, has a sympathetic heart for the children that are beaten. The price he paid for this warm side of him was much too high though, and I understand that he can only face his father once he was gone.

Learning Jake’s past makes him a much more sympathetic character than he was before. I think by this point we might have known a bit about his past, but having him face those demons with his father’s return really makes you feel for him, especially when Michaela pushed him to settle things with his father and when Jake tried the man didn’t even remember him.

Originally Posted by Kruemi

Brian, on the other hand, has a different way to deal with his father who betrayed him all his life: he forgives him. I have to say though that it disturbed me when he wrote to Ethan. After all, he should still remember the time when he wanted to take them to San Francisco – he was old enough to realize that it was only thanks to this new wife that Colleen and he were allowed to stay with Michaela. I think that dealing with the pain that other people cause you should only involve forgiving yourself, in case you’ve made a mistake, and learn from this mistake. That someone is your father doesn’t mean he is allowed to abuse you (it doesn’t matter whether is physically or psychically), and your solution is to forgive him and everything is fine. It will never be.

While I agree that a parent shouldn’t be allowed to abuse you, I don’t think that Brian is necessarily forgiving Ethan to make things okay. I haven’t seen my own father in over 15 years. I lost my mother when I was only 14, and up to that point my father had rarely been around because he was always working. Suddenly he was all alone with a teenage girl to raise, and he didn’t know what the hell to do.

I’m not quite sure what alienated the two of us as I got older, but after several unsuccessful attempts to contact him via phone and by mail I guess I’ve given up the battle, realizing that most likely my father will leave this earth without me ever seeing him again.

Why did I make all those attempts? First of all, I needed to know that I wasn’t the one who stood in the way of reconciliation. And also, I only have one family, no matter how messed up it is. It pains me to admit that this is the situation, and that even when I pleaded with my father to call me so I could get some family history for my genetic testing, he refused to respond. Knowing my own welfare and possibly my survival was not enough to tempt him to respond causes me great pain. But, I can’t change other people. I can only change me. By continuing to reach out to my father and being open to forgiving him to have some type of relationship with him is what I feel is best for all of us. Sorry I just rambled on and on.

Originally Posted by Kruemi

I totally forgot the little gold rush we saw in this episode. Maybe they put it in to cheer us up a bit – because there were a lot of heartbreaking scenes…

I think so. We needed that slight comic relief to make the hard stuff easier to cope with.

Originally Posted by Kruemi

However, I felt for Michaela, too: although she is used to people lashing out at her it doesn’t make it easier; and Jake lost a lot in my eyes when he reminded Brian, who is still just a child, that his father is just a jerk, too.

Well, I have to disagree about Michaela. She brings some of that lashing out upon herself. In this instance, she’s trying to convince Jake that he needs to make peace with his father, but she uses the loss of her father as a comparison when she and Jake have very different feelings about their fathers. While admitting that Jake must be in pain it’s like she’s expecting him to forget all that to forgive a father who beat him and who he believes is responsible for the death of his younger siblings.

I didn’t like what he said to Brian, but I can only fault Jake so much because he is acting out of frustration here. Again, someone who doesn’t understand what Jake’s life was like is trying to tell him that this guy is his father and he needs to help him. While Brian can’t possibly understand the whole situation, it just adds to Jake’s frustration. Jake probably thought that if his father ever returned the man would be physically and mentally capable of accepting the anger Jake was going to turn on him; but that’s not the case. Jake’s anger is wasted on his father because of his physical and mental state, so Jake has to keep eating that anger and it leads him to drink. At least he had the decency to apologize to Brian later.

Originally Posted by Kruemi

I admit that the end of the episode was a bit of overkill for me: Jake mourns his father’s death and forgives him, Brian happily posts his letter to his pa and Horace sees the reason in it and writes a letter himself. Oh well…

I loved that last scene between Jake and Brian. At last Jake could release all that pain and move on. The letter thing is kind of dopey, and again, knowing what the future will bring for Horace and Myra, it’s a sad ending.

[Ella]

I admit I like this episode. It's not one of my favorites, but I think it's one of those episodes which make us understand a character better.
We learned about Horace in Portraits when we saw his mother. We got to know another side of Hank in Woman of the year when his Nana came to town. We started to understand Preston when we met his father.
And here we learn more about Jake. A lot actually. We learn about his childhood, about his siblings and about his father. We can almost imagine him as a child and the heavy burden this child had to carry.

Michaela can't understand him. She had a loving father, Brian didn't have a loving father, but a loving mother and later a loving second mother in Michaela. Jake obviously had noone. Noone who had given him so much love that he could develop the strength to forgive his father.

Originally Posted by cooperkids

Jake probably thought that if his father ever returned the man would be physically and mentally capable of accepting the anger Jake was going to turn on him; but that’s not the case. Jake’s anger is wasted on his father because of his physical and mental state,

Yes, that's a tragedy. Jake wasn't able to tell him his anger and his father wasn't able to recognize his son to apologize.
I think when Jake is crying at the end at his fathers grave, it's not only that he is is mourning over his father's death, but over these wasted chances and their wasted lives without each other, without any kind of connection. Maybe he cried because now he wasn't able to close this chapter of his life in a nearly healthy way. Maybe it was everything of it.
That's why I don't see this part of the episode as exaggerated. It's not an and-in-the-end-everything-is-good-end, it's a sad end: nothing is good and will never be.

Sending letters -in Brian's and Horace's cases -staying in touch is not something that can heal, or make everything undone, but it's something that might help the writers to cope. That's how I understood the message of the episode.

[Gemma]

Michaela can't understand him. She had a loving father, Brian didn't have a loving father, but a loving mother and later a loving second mother in Michaela. Jake obviously had noone. Noone who had given him so much love that he could develop the strength to forgive his father.

You are so right Ella and it's great to find this anti-parents characters in a series where Michaela and Sully are depicted as nearly perfect as parents. IMHO.
I enjoy the links between episodes that makes DQ have the ingredients of a soap opera, the letter metaphore is perfect. Brian trying to write to his father and get from him an answer when in fact it was his "real" father, Sully, who wrote the first letter to the kids pretending they had a "functional" father.

I must admit I cried when I watched this episode while I didn't cry when I watched Washita or Brother's Keeper. Jim Knobeloch's performance moved me intensely.

[Kruemi]

Originally Posted by Gemma

in a series where Michaela and Sully are depicted as nearly perfect as parents

I don't see them this way. As to Michaela: we witnessed in the early years how she struggled to do the right things as a mother... and Sully isn't a perfect father at all - he abandoned his children and put the family in danger a tad too often as to be one (IMO of course lol).
Micheala might have had the perfect father, but her mother could drive you up the walls - she boycotted her daughter in her young years and only came around when Michaela was like 40 herself.

[cooperkids]

Originally Posted by Kruemi

I don't see them this way. As to Michaela: we witnessed in the early years how she struggled to do the right things as a mother... and Sully isn't a perfect father at all - he abandoned his children and put the family in danger a tad too often as to be one (IMO of course lol).
Micheala might have had the perfect father, but her mother could drive you up the walls - she boycotted her daughter in her young years and only came around when Michaela was like 40 herself.

I can't say that I felt they were depicted as perfect parents, but I can say that I got the feeling Michaela and Sully were depicted as the ideal parents in CS: supportive of each other in times of crisis, often on the same side of things where the kids were concerned, active in their community, able to--even if reluctantly at first--allow their children to branch out and test the waters as they matured, and very loving. While their marriage was tested, it stood the test of time, unlike Robert E and Grace's when tragedy struck. So, to me, Michaela and Sully were portrayed as close to perfect as you could get in CS and still be humans.

[Kruemi]

Originally Posted by cooperkids

So, to me, Michaela and Sully were portrayed as close to perfect as you could get in CS and still be humans.

I think that's a great way to pinpoint it .